Everything's Magic.

I was told today that I need to take up singing. Told. That I need to. And if you know me well at all, you'll already know what the problem is. See, I don't take up those words easily. I do what I want, how I want. I work things out myself. I'm a bit of a loner. I'm a very rebellious and independent child. When it comes to hobbies, ways to do things, interests, stuff like that, no one tells me what to do. I can do it very much on my own, thank you. I'm very capable. Because God gave me two hands and two feet and I'm pretty sure I have a brain as well. I'm doing what I want, how I want. Also, if you know me well at all, you also know I quite distance myself from anything musical. People have said in the past I'm musically inclined, but I have no wish whatsoever to learn any dumb instrument or how to learn to sing freaking harmony. I don't care about it. Simple as that. My mother seems to think I won't sing because of what someone said when I was like, twelve. This, however, is not true. The truth is that I never want to do anything without passion. I find the idea inconceivable. It would be like the rain falling without the grass getting greener afterwards. It's like doing something but never getting the satisfaction. Because, really, truly, I would never sing just because that one person told me I need to. I shouldn't be singing for that person. I should be singing for myself and for the enjoyment, the happiness, I feel in the world when I'm singing. But I don't. I simply don't. It's not like I don't listen to music and dance around the kitchen with Don't You Want Me blasted to the loudest. Because frankly, music does inspire me sometimes and I really do love my loud music. But when I'm upset, I don't go to my iPod. I go to my sketch book. When I'm sketching or making some kind of art, I feel that enjoyment and happiness in the world. Like finally I can see something clear, and maybe just maybe those pieces will fall into place and I can catch up to where I lost count of how many times the world kept spinning. And then when the piece is done, I look at it and I just can't stop because it makes me so happy. It makes me want to look at my hands all day long and just think "Wow. I made that, I took that pencil and that wacky lead and I made something with it with these hands. I created something with it. I made it something special." It makes me totally understand how after God made the world and the Bible always says "and he was glad with it", it makes me totally understand in what way he was glad with it. He created the world. I created that picture, and it makes me so blissfully content that you don't even know. Or maybe you do, I dunno. It makes me so glad with it. And I don't do it because that one person once said a long time ago that I have a talent. I do it for myself. I do it because it makes ME happy, it makes ME understand this complex world. Or maybe is it just a simple one?

And that's one of my artworks, loyal fans. Just a girl. Filled with emotion, it seems. But that makes all the difference in the world.